Buddhism in my life

I credit most of my exposure to Buddhism to my wonderful mother. If not for her, I might have started very late or not at all to understand this profound and astoundingly wonderful philosophy of life. When I was very young, I would often join in the early morning prayer sessions of my grandmother and my mother. Not that I understood much at that time. The text recited was of the Mahayana tradition and the chanting would be in Teochew which was beautiful but difficult to do. I have often been amazed at the power of their lungs! My mum frequently brought me to different temples. The one I visited very frequently at first was my grandmother's Buddhist Centre in Upper Serangoon. It was in a small bungalow and it was called "Qi Oon". As children, my sister, cousins and I were very carefree and do not frequently sit still. We would play beneath the mango trees, using the white chalky stones in the gardens to draw pictures and play at cooking or playing catching. There were times we were seated in the shrine hall, and I remember vaguely the reverend throwing out rice, ringing a bell and doing hand mudras. He was also wearing a funny hat. I thought it was very interesting. Only until now do I know that particular master, who has since passed away, was actually a Theravada monk who continued on to practice Vajrayana. He was later of the Nyingma lineage. Then when I was older I started Dharma classes. My mother would bring me to a Mahayana temple somewhere very remote (I think it was in Punggol) every Sunday. I really liked the place, it was very peaceful, big and beautiful. The reverend abbot was very benevolent. There was also an old aged home belonging to the temple. We not only learned about the foundations of Buddhism (e.g Eightfold Path, Four Noble Truths, story of Buddha's life - at least that is what I think was taught, I cannot remember in detail now) but also had extra curricular activities. I joined a music class and was taught to play drums using my hands and also using sticks. But I must admit my sense of rhythm is terrible. Till now I cannot master playing 2 beats with one hand and 3 beats with the other at the same time. For a period of time, my mother was a fervent devotee of Ven. Fa Zhao of the Golden Pagoda Temple. She brought me there very frequently, when she took lessons in tying Chinese knots, when she was helping out at the temple or when she was joining pujas there. The style of chanting was Chinese Mahayana, and I was still amazed how people could keep up. It was very lovely but when slow the notes were drawn very long and when fast, it was a little too fast for me. The most beautiful time was when there were lamp offerings. There would be no lights in the whole temple and everywhere people were carrying big flower lamps and passing the flame from one person to another. I remembered an auntie asking me what mantras I knew or what I chanted. I told her I usually chant the name of Avalokitesvara (Namo Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa) and also the mantra of Jun Di Fo Mu (an incarnation of Avalokitesvara). That was about all I knew at that time. Later my mum taught me to memorize the Heart Sutra, which I recite frequently, even now. But I have switched to chanting "Om Mani Padme Hung" instead of the name of Avalokitesvara. My mum told me that I was the god-daughter of Guan Yin (Avalokitesvara) and I must have the utmost devotion and respect for Guan Yin. Every year, during the birthday of Guan Yin, we would go to the Guan Yin temple at Tembeling Road to offer incense. To me, there is no confusion regarding the gender of one of the most well-known Bodhisattvas. Form is emptiness and emptiness is form. Male or female, the Bodhisattva manifests as he/she wills, in order to benefit sentient beings. The Bodhisattva is not attached to his/her form, it is sentient beings who are attached to form and develop attachment or aversion.

Choice of career

I have always had a passion for life and gamingly try new experiences. As for interests, I count too many. The first career I recall wanting to have was to be a forensic scientist (read: CSI). That was just because of an offhand comment by my maths teacher that forensic scientists earn a lot as few would want such a job and it is interesting investigating into questionable deaths. Unfortunately, my secondary school struck such a path off from my life by saying no-no to my doing biology. Agreeably, I didn't make much of a protest since I have always been one to go with the flow and avoid confrontations. They had a basis in any case, my grades were not exactly top-notch, could a lackadasical student ever make it to medicine?

Next up on the list of dream jobs was to be an architect. The work of architects has so much to do with our lives in general, besides the obvious aesthetics, they need to consider what is most beneficial to humans in terms of our living spaces, freedom of movement, hygiene, comfort, lighting etc. They can work with so many different materials and work with so many people from different arenas to coordinate the culmination of the building. Unfortunately again, I didn't really think beforehand of what was required for the course and was glaringly short of a portfolio. The possibilty of not making the cut from draughtsman to trainee architect also was frightening, the distinction would be too great. Cost was also a big factor, for most of the projects, a lot of money had to be spent to acquire the necessary materials and fun though the projects may be, they jabbed deep into the purse.

So there we have it, I was 18 with two dream jobs vanquished like soap bubbles. I started to become even more impractical and thought of taking a degree in dancing. I have a natural gift for dancing and a passion for music but no money to pay for it. I didn't want to let my parents pay for something that could be a bad investment.

So what was left were the safe choices. Business, engineering and the new field of computer science. My dad had the belief that I would have the best future (read: make devilishly good money) in this line so there was that. Easy-going me was open to any challenges.

Now with a honours degree under my belt and 4 years of working in IT, I do question whether I should have been more insistent on pursuing my dream job. I cannot say I regret going into this line as I have learnt and enjoyed learning what it offers, I always liked to work my brains. The creativity employed might not always be artistic, but I do like finding new ways of getting around a problem. IT is all about solutions. It is a tool to make life easier, even though when it is badly done, it is as irritating as a sore back. There is less to say about the ones making the solutions. Incredible satisfactions come with the end product, but we architects of the software really do suffer at times. The hours are inhuman, especially if you have clients who support shift work. As professionals, we do not get paid overtime, yet with the work we do, we should be called labourers. I question if it is all worthwhile. Stability is a key to happiness for me, I do not want to be destitute and hence the safe option of slogging for dollars. Yet I do want the decency of planning life outside of work to do things I want, like learning Gu Zheng, chinese medicine, take up a design course, charity work, hanging out with friends, travelling, hiking, diving etc. There is so much to life to explore outside of work. Religious practice is especially important for me, the peace and well-being felt during practice is undescribable, I truly believe the ultimate happiness it will lead me to.

The question is now however, am I happy now? There are moments where I feel stressed or gloomy, but on the whole, I am ok. If I catch myself ruminating over some uncomfortable matters, I will try to look at something pleasant, like a beautiful flower, trees or the blue sky and think how lucky I am to be able to enjoy such simple pleasures. In the end, when required to, we can only do our best in our work, but let's not stress ourselves out thinking about the same problem when it is past or when we are not working. Smell the flowers, I say!